By Ezra Parter
If you read the internet, you know about listicles, but this one is better than the rest so get hyped. Every week we count down the top 7 in various categories about the great city of Seattle. This week we explore…
The Top 7 Hiking Destinations in and around Seattle
Just a short 30 minute drive east from the city center, Rattlesnake Ridge offers a challenging hike for novices and a nice change of pace for those with a little more experience. With expansive views and a great variety of flora to explore, there’s always something intriguing to look at. Are there rattlesnakes there? No, but the name sure is alliterative!
Who doesn’t love waterfalls? Who doesn’t love rhetorical questions? Better yet, who doesn’t love rhetorical questions about waterfalls!? The park rangers at Snoqualmie Falls, that’s who. They prefer to be able to answer hikers’ questions directly and concisely, by telling them about the history of the area or the best time to see the Falls at their largest. Hint: It’s springtime, because the snow melts into the river.
5. Carkeek Park
Not every hike has to be outside the city! Some are within city limits, like the trails at Carkeek Park. While there isn’t a mountain or lake at the end, there are plenty of great spots to dig! You shouldn’t hide anything too valuable there as the park is just as easy to access for kids and transients as it is for you, but what do I know? I just write about this topic for a living. You should trust me.
4. Smith Tower
It may not typically be considered a hike, but walking up every flight of stairs at Smith Tower is a significant challenge to your legs so it qualifies. Plus, if you go down to the basement, turn left at the men’s restroom sign, and enter the door labeled “Janitor,” you’ll find yourself in a dirt room perfect for burying treasure. The room spans eleven city blocks, so you’re sure to find some unused space. Don’t break the unwritten code: leave anything you find right where it was. The guards are always watching.
The summit is beautiful in the summer, like an unwashed gourd in an empty orchard struck just so by a ray of subtle moonlight. And speaking of moonlight, if you follow the light of a full moon as it bounces off of Reflection Lake you’ll be guided to the spot Roy Olmstead hid his bootlegging profits during prohibition! It’s empty now, but there’s plenty of space to stash your stash and the rock door still works if you can remember the incantation to awaken its ancient magic. It’s “Beer before liquor, Roy Olmstead is quicker. And also a better bootlegger than you, Ralph.” He liked to keep his staff humble.
2. Rachel Lake
Named for Rachel Marshall of Rachel’s Ginger Beer, Rachel Lake offers a treasure-burier an opportunity unlike anywhere else. Just an hour and a half east of the city, the titular lake at the end of the trail is the only lake on Earth with tunnels that lead directly to a former Native American burial chamber hidden directly below the water. While initially used to entomb leaders of various local tribes, the chamber has become a haven for pirates and hoarders alike. The ginger beer still flows like water, but according to testimonials Rachel herself hasn’t visited in centuries. Be sure to use a very distinctive X when you mark your spot to avoid any confusion. Sometimes it gets crowded down there!
1. The Bank
I won’t presume to know which bank is right for you, but all of them have great vaults to hide your stuff in. Plus, you don’t have to drive, hike, dig, or anything! Take an Uber, check your treasure in with the teller, and go about your day. Now that’s what I call living the good life! I have simple passions.
Editor’s Note: Don’t bother to look for Ezra’s treasure in any of these locations. He’s a blog writer, he doesn’t have any. Seriously. This isn’t a ploy to protect it or anything.